we have pet lesbian snakes
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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