She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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