I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
