so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
