We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
