WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
