I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
