At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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