I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The air was thick with penises
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're too hungover to prance.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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