do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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