when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
