laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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