Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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