When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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