remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
