So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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