TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
