just come out here and I will go home with you...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
