I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
