It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
