you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
