oh god the rape fog is back!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
