When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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