Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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