I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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