The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
