grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
