yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
