What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
