he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i've created a new STD.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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