I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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