Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
