It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
