It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
