come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
