shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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