Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
