Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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