he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize