she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
