So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize