I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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