I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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