So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
