she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
