it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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