Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
