Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
