Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
