he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
