it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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