i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
