this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
