I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do herpes really smell.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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