Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you didnt know i had herpes?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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