fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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