No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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