come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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