i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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