when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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