you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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