Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
