I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
being pregnant is like rehab
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
