mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
where am i from again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
