i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
