great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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