My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
