i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
