Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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