I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
