I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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