she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
