Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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