the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
