Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you would pick up someone in the library
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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